I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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