Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize