its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
