It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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