when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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