i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
