Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
