This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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