it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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