She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
