So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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