We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
