I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
