Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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