We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
