I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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