Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
