i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
