if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm like, not good at living.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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