Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
