Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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