you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
