So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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