i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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