I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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