even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
