broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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