**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
