So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
