Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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