been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
