Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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