Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
