Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
