No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
