You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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