we have officially lost it.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
