You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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