Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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