I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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