i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
