"it" just moved
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
