why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
