Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So many bounce houses so little time
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
