i think my mom watched the whole time
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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