i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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