u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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