Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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