Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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