I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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