Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
