If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
