Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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