Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
