last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
