I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
