where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
