I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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