My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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