Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
