I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
