I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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