I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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