You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
