dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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