My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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